Duetto buffo di due gatti

What do you give to the birthday cat who has everything?

Well I’m going to take a crazy, wild guess here and assume that most of you do not give him a shot at Worldwide Internet Superstardom…?

Why, Oh Why do I do these things?!

It all started with Leah’s suggested theme of sound for this month’s Creative Every Day.  ‘Some of you may find this quite a stretch,’ she said.  ‘Oh no, not I,’ I thought, smugly.  ‘This is one theme where I can really excel – my opportunity to be, well at any rate last amongst equals with all the real artists who participate over at Creative Every Day.’  But amongst equals, see?  That’s the important part.  I am actually musically inclined.  Much to the irritation of my sons I even think in song titles and lyrics.  I’m always bursting into song at inappropriate times!  I actually have already made a small collection of Artist Trading Cards based on song titles.  Sound is my thing!

So I started to formulate a plan.  Oliver and I would perform an earth shattering duet based on Rossini’s famous Duetto buffo di due gatti (Comic duet for two cats).  ‘Earth shattering’ because, well let’s face it, it isn’t usual for one of the singers to be an actual cat.

That was where I made my first mistake. 

You see, cats don’t read music.  Not only that, but our normally excessively vocal cat seemed to have taken a vow of silence during the two days at the weekend set aside for recording.  In the end we did manage to get a couple of half-hearted miaows out of him but, well, I had to take most of both parts myself.  I decided to overcome this by cunningly playing the role of Cat 1, originally assigned to Oliver, as a sort of ’street cat’.  Oliver would take over in the second part of the piece with a variety of perfectly timed miaows.  And no-one would ever know it hadn’t been him all along.  To emphasise the difference in the characters, the role of Cat 2, taken by myself, would be performed in an operatic style.  The whole thing would be a modern interpretation of Rossini’s piece in the manner of Avril Lavigne’s Sk8er Boi.  Sheer genius!

I guess it had gone too far before I realised it was all an unmitigated disaster.  See, what I found was that whether I miaow like a street cat or like an operatic cat, I still sound like me, miaowing.  And although Oliver does, indeed, feature in the second half, his offerings hardly amount to a duet.  So, despite having somehow persuaded my husband to work at the computer for several hours whilst I brought all my Virgoan traits to bear in overseeing precise rhythmic adjustments to the location of Oliver’s miaows, I finally came to the conclusion that this ‘duet’ was probably best consigned to the recycling bin and put down to experience.

That was my second mistake – including someone else in my foolhardiness - someone who was now not prepared to sit by while I decided it had all been a waste of (his precious) time!  And that is where you find me now: caught, as they say, between a rock and a hard place.

So here it is, Oliver, my lovely precious boy.  We have seen each other through thick and thin.  Now here is your 50 seconds of fame, your opportunity for Worldwide Internet Superstardom.  And along with that my dignity.  How do I know that one day, when I am rich and famous and being interviewed live on BBC1 by Jonathan Ross, this is going to come back and haunt me?

I can say no more, dear readers, except that normal standards will resume with my next post, and I hope to be able to win back your respect.  Click here if you must and then cover your ears for 50 seconds precisely.

Credits:

• Cat 1: Oliver, with a little help from Janice
• Cat 2: Janice
• Piano: Janice
• Artistic direction: Janice
• Technical Wizardry: Long-Suffering Husband

Happy Birthday Ollie!

- Seventeen today -

Yes, this is my contribution to Creative Every Day.  Fortunately, you can click on the badge tag to find out how real artists have interpreted the theme of sound.  I now accept that I shall never, never be able to walk amongst their ranks.  And if you think I’m going to link back from Creative Every Day to attract any more interest in this than is absolutely necessary you are very much mistaken, my friend!